Voisser - Recent Voisses

What's your experience dating a single mum?

Sun, 02 Mar 2025 22:34:18 +0000

What's a time you had so many reasons to fall apart but you didn't? Who or what held you together?

Thu, 21 Jul 2022 01:49:54 +0000

I'll go first...2020.

Now when I think about it, it feels like I was floating through that year and just decided not to think or feel too much. For the most part of it, everyday and most nights I turned on my laptop and worked because I knew the if I took a break, I might just fall apart like Humpty Dumpty and not have it in me nor have the resources to put myself back together.

In January, a romantic relationship I was in had to end. Around that time a close friendship fell apart too. Then the pandemic and series of lockdown began in March. Then, a mentor I had known for about 8 years suddenly passed away in April. Then a mentor's daughter around my age passed away in May. Then, I graduated from college and struggled to land my first full-time job until about 5 months later. Then, when I found a job, it was in a new city and state. So, in October I had to move far away from my mom and younger ones whom I had become so interdependent with. As an introvert, I already felt pretty lonely and alone in the city I lived before but moving to a new state in the middle of a pandemic felt way worse. My first saving grace was that I moved in with my sister.

It wasn't until middle of 2021, once I got settled with my new job and began therapy that it really dawned on me that 2020 was a really heart-breaking year. Most importantly, I admitted to myself that if I fell apart then or now, I had the permission to.

God held me together. Reading and working endlessly did too. I was either working on a project, volunteer opportunity, internship or doing my job. At some point I overworked just because I knew if I stopped working, I might start crying and be unable to stop.

We are in 2022 now and I have slowed down in working with the goal of stopping here and there in the upcoming months to take a break.

What areas of other people's lives do you judge for being mediocre? What areas of your life are mediocre?

Sun, 17 Jul 2022 18:59:13 +0000

I am a goal-oriented, academic, and career-driven person. But, especially in my late teens and early twenties, it just didn't make sense to me when someone would, for example, see a scholarship they qualify for and have no interest in applying despite needing the money. Or when someone qualifies for a better job elsewhere but is just so contented with where they are at the moment. Or, when someone consistently nags about a situation but makes no effort to take themselves out of it, when to me, there is a clear way out.

I also used to be a "fixer" - Olivia Pope-the-second and Annalise Keating's firstborn. I would overstretch myself and, even sometimes, do more than the person who needs to fix their problems or move forward in their life. It gave me joy at some point, and I found fulfillment doing such tasks. Until I didn't anymore and I became curious about the weak points of my own life.

Taking a step back, sometimes, just listening and not encouraging people to change what I consider mediocre in their life taught me several lessons. I also stopped offering myself up to solve problems, especially if I am aware of a service or person elsewhere whose job is to do so. But, most importantly, when I sorted my life and cleared most of my schedule - removing whatever was affiliated with helping someone else resolve their mediocre points, I realized mine.

As an introvert, I am beyond unmotivated when it comes to socializing with people. I will do it if the social circumstances are predictable, and I know some people who will be there and have had enjoyable conversations with them in the past. However, no amount of guilt-tripping or motivational speech from close friends and family makes me care about socializing. Do I say I want friends? Yes. And do I nag about being alone or lonely sometimes? Absolutely yes! But do I care about doing anything to fix it right now despite knowing where to look or start from? No.

Just to clarify, it isn't that I don't leave my house at all; I do but in a very self-prioritized and minimalistic way. For example, I go to church sometimes (although I disappear immediately after service). I also do not like parties but sign me up for professional networking events, and I'll be there. I also prefer lunch with 1-3 friends at most than group lunch or gatherings. I communicate mostly with my immediate nuclear family and don't talk to extended ones except my mother insists. I am aware of the value of relationships, read books and watch videos about them, but I have very little interest in making a change in that area of my life even when I need it.

An extrovert who evaluates my life from that lens might consider it one that's not being maximized or lived to its potential. However, the more I take a step back from trying to fix other people's points of mediocrity, the more mine glares at me. Also, the less judgmental I have become.

What are some of the best books that changed your life?

Tue, 07 Jun 2022 12:59:23 +0000

What is your favourite daydream?

Wed, 12 May 2021 13:20:48 +0000

What is your favourite daydream?

Sacrifices your parents made that you only knew about later in life?

Sat, 08 May 2021 10:24:00 +0000

Is there any context where it's acceptable to mention a former admirer to a married woman?

Fri, 07 May 2021 11:22:44 +0000

A male friend we’ll call Patrick, knew I was acquainted with a lady he liked (I'm a male too), so he asked if I could help find out if she was ‘available’. So, I asked Mercy (that’s what we’ll call her), and after a little bit of banter, she told me she was in a relationship. However, she still wanted to know who her admirer was. I didn't think it was necessary to provide that information, since she had confirmed she wasn't available anyway. I delivered her response to Patrick, and to the best of my knowledge that marked the end of the whole episode.

About a year later, Mercy got married. Interestingly, it was precisely on Patrick's birthday. I told him and we laughed about it. We thought there was a poetic justice hilarity to it, that his birthday somehow would become a permanent anniversary and reminder of ‘the one who got away’.

Two years later, I randomly remembered the event and thought I should share the ‘funny story’ with Mercy. She didn't think it was funny in any way and accused me of inappropriately messaging a married woman. Although I didn't think I had been inappropriate or disrespectful, I tendered a genuine apology, but I've wondered; was there something I missed? Was I truly wrong? Anyone with similar stories?

If everyone is unique, isn't everyone special?

Fri, 30 Apr 2021 12:59:43 +0000

What were some naive opinions you had about marriage, that changed when you got married?

Thu, 29 Apr 2021 12:33:06 +0000

What specific, measurable qualities do women generally desire in a husband?

Thu, 29 Apr 2021 11:17:52 +0000

What specific, measurable qualities do women generally desire in a husband?

What is it like dating someone with no social media presence whatsoever?

Wed, 28 Apr 2021 12:19:26 +0000

What is it like dating someone with no social media presence? Is this something to be worried about?

What are the arguments for marriage compared to co-habitation?

Tue, 27 Apr 2021 19:00:42 +0000

Cohabitation is becoming a popular practice in today's society. In 2018, the American Census Bureau reported that within a decade, and for adults between 25 to 34, the cohabiting rates had increased from 12% to 15%. There is also a 29% reduction in marriages when compared with statistics for the same age group in 1978. In the light of these developments, what would be the arguments for marriage compared to co-habitation?

What's one strong opinion you had but you've changed your mind about?

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 22:23:56 +0000

Is it 'gold-digging' for a woman to seek for a husband that is rich?

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 10:08:45 +0000

Would you be comfortable signing a (prenup) prenuptial agreement?

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 09:46:07 +0000

When has someone you respected done something that shocked and disappointed you?

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 08:24:14 +0000

What was it like losing a parent you were really close to?

Fri, 23 Apr 2021 07:51:36 +0000

What's your biggest regret?

Thu, 22 Apr 2021 10:14:09 +0000

How did you deal with an embarrassing false accusation and what lessons did you learn from the experience?

Wed, 14 Apr 2021 19:48:38 +0000

How did you deal with an embarrassing accusation and what lessons did you learn from the experience?

What's an interesting experience (good or bad) you've had with lending friends or family money?

Sun, 04 Apr 2021 08:52:32 +0000

What's an interesting experience (good or bad) you've had with lending friends money?

What's a reason that made you call off an official engagement?

Thu, 01 Apr 2021 08:33:49 +0000

An engagement is special because it's a significant step forward in a relationship. It means some time had passed within which a couple had gotten to know each other. The man had proposed to a woman and she had agreed to marry him. I'm interested in knowing what things could possible cause a call off at such progressed.

What events almost broke your relationship or marriage?

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 11:15:52 +0000

Are there acceptable reasons for a man to hide (on social media) that he is married with a family?

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 10:36:39 +0000

My husband works in the movie/entertainment industry and thus is quite active on social media. We've been married for 6 years, but he's never posted anything that could give an observer the impression that he is married and has two kids.

I've spoken to him about this and he first seemed surprised, like it was news to him, which is hard to believe; it's been too consisent not to be an intentional effort. He later attributed it to him being 'a private person'.

Two weeks ago, he posted a photo of me from an event we attended, (just a picture of me, not one we took together). Again, nothing in the caption suggested he was married to the person in the picture, instead it looked like I was a work colleague he was celebrating.

Is there any rationale that makes this acceptable?

As a single person, in what ways did your relationship change after a friend got married?

Thu, 25 Mar 2021 17:27:50 +0000

How has being raised by a single parent impacted your adult life?

Tue, 23 Mar 2021 08:52:33 +0000

How has being married changed your relationship with your unmarried friends?

Sat, 20 Mar 2021 11:20:52 +0000

What, and how long to your first 'fight' as a married couple?

Thu, 18 Mar 2021 17:28:10 +0000

How can I tell my fiancee she needs to lose weight?

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 15:46:39 +0000

Gradually, and over the last 3 years, my girlfriend who is now my fiancee has put on about 20kg of weight,and is clearly obese. (The pandemic didn't help either). I love her dearly, but the reality of this is that I'm struggling to remain physically attracted to her. More importantly, I'm also worried about her health. Weight is a very fragile topic with women and my fiancee is generally a sensitive person. As I've been brooding over this for more than a year, What's the most caring and effective way to broach this difficult topic with her?

For marriage, what do men want in a woman?

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 15:21:17 +0000

This is not about abstract, ambiguous qualities. What specific, measurable and tangible qualities do men generally desire in the woman they would marry.

Are there advantages to couples keeping separate bedrooms?

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 14:33:47 +0000

Are there couples here who do this? How and why did you make this decision, and how has the experience been?

What was it like the first time you caught your child in a lie?

Mon, 15 Mar 2021 14:23:23 +0000

What’s one moment that convinced you, you married the right person for you?

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 21:25:31 +0000

What are some things you miss after getting married?

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 21:24:55 +0000

What's your earliest childhood memory of disappointment from your parents?

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 21:17:00 +0000

What's your earliest memory of your parent doing or saying something that disappointed you as a child?

Someone told me "It's your dog that's keeping you single". Is this a thing?

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 21:11:44 +0000

Is it impolite to request for cash gifts instead of presents from my wedding guests?

Sun, 14 Mar 2021 21:07:58 +0000

What is a good age for a woman to seriously start considering marriage?

Sat, 24 Oct 2020 21:11:00 +0000

What’s one genuinely ‘it’s-not-what-you-think situation’ you have been in?

Thu, 22 Oct 2020 14:48:47 +0000