Voisser - Recent Voisses and Replies in Singles & Dating

Replied: What's your experience dating a single mum?

Sun, 02 Mar 2025 22:37:12 +0000

I’ve done it once, and I won’t do it again. Not because single mums aren’t great women, but because dating one comes with built-in realities that can’t be avoided. Even when she says she’s handling everything on her own, there are expectations, spoken or unspoken, that you’ll eventually have to deal with. Here’s what I learned.

1. You Are Not Her Priority

Her child comes first. Always. That means your plans, your needs, and sometimes even your problems will have to wait. If you need to be the centre of your partner’s world, this is not the relationship for you.

2. Spontaneity is Dead

Forget last-minute plans. Every date, every trip, even just spending time together requires scheduling. School runs, babysitters, and custody arrangements all have to be considered.

3. The Ex is Always in the Picture

Even if they’re not together, they still share a child. That means he has access to her life in a way no other ex would. There will be phone calls, co-parenting discussions, and moments where you’ll have to accept that another man’s input still matters.

4. You Are Not the Main Character

Your relationship doesn’t exist in a bubble. There will always be interruptions and divided attention. You will have to take a backseat sometimes. It’s not personal, just reality.

5. Kids Say the Wildest Things

One day, the kid will ask something awkward. “Are you my new dad?” “Why are you always here?” It’s innocent, but it forces you to confront things you might not be ready to answer.

6. You Inherit Responsibilities

She might say, “I’m not looking for someone to take responsibility for my child.” In reality, you will. Whether it’s school runs, birthday presents, or just helping out, you will end up playing stepdad in some way.

7. Emotional Bandwidth is Limited

She has a full-time job, a child, and a million responsibilities. Some days, she simply won’t have the energy to deal with your problems too. If you need consistent emotional support, this will be difficult.

8. Discipline is a No-Win Situation

If the child misbehaves, do you say something or not? If you correct them, she might get defensive. If you don’t, she might wish you’d back her up. Either way, it’s a tricky position to be in.

9. Less Time, Less Attention, Less You

She has limited time, and you have to be okay with that. Texts won’t always be instant. Calls will be short. Your relationship will always have to fit around her existing life.

10. Breaking Up is Worse

If you build a bond with her child, leaving isn’t just leaving her, it’s leaving them too. If the child gets attached, that’s a different level of guilt to carry.

Replied: What is it like dating someone with no social media presence whatsoever?

Sun, 02 May 2021 11:52:56 +0000

I haven't done this yet, but I am considering it.

I joked about it with a person of a romantic interest who has zero online presence - as bad as not having a WhatsApp display picture. I think this is great for people who enjoy privacy.

It also reminds me of Chimamanda’s recent Blackbox interview with Ebuka, where she said something about her husband being a private person. Truthfully, there are only a few prints of Chimamanda's husband online. I already have a list of reasons to hide my relationships from social media and having someone with no social media presence just gives the perfect free ticket I am looking for.

Having a partner with no social media presence can be good sometimes. For example, I have seen many infidelity issues in a relationship start from online engagements and direct messages. I have read some articles about infidelity that provide research on which gender cheats more. Trends show that women in their late teens and early 20's cheat more by a slight margin, higher than men, while men in their marriageable years 30's and above cheat more than women. I haven't researched further to see the correlations between social media and infidelity, but I want to assume that it has some impact. I imagine that many women will prefer men without social media presence because it gives them a little confidence and trust in their partner.

Other benefits - it just helps people mind their business. Whether at the dating or marriage stage, couples are always bundled with unsolicited advice on social media. Sometimes, someone in a relationship with no online presence reduces the confidence that other people have in giving unsolicited advice and commentary.

There are some downsides to this. Some partners may not enjoy this if they value public apprasials from ther partners especially from social media. Also, I remember when Tamar Braxton started dating her Nigerian boyfriend and hid him on social media. I am not sure if he had any or a huge online presence yet. However, many people commented that she needs to post him because if he is cheating or already in another relationship, the truth will reveal itself. I know this example isn't about having an online social media presence but an acknowlegement of one's partner on social media.

I must say - I will not advise or be in a relationship with someone I didn't know for years prior whom I just met and realized has no online presence. With the increasing insecurity and especially as a female, it just helps to know a bank of information or history about a person, whether from personal experiences or through social media.

I have known the person I wrote about in the first paragraph for about five years, and that's just the lifestyle he has maintained. He just enjoys the sanity of being oblivious to social media or drawn to it. If I didn't know the person before, then I'd worry.

Replied: Someone told me "It's your dog that's keeping you single". Is this a thing?

Tue, 30 Mar 2021 15:12:00 +0000

Yes it is, especially as we live in a society that has normalized anthropomorphizing pets (treating pets as if they are humans). This accelerates the decline of women's relationships and their dating options because the pets become a proxy for having children and often, a placebo partner.

Men typically don't seek to marry women with children, especially if they don't have children of their own. Dogs are like children too, they are commitments that significantly complicates your dating life. For example, you lose the luxury of making spontenous plans, because your dog (like a child) always has to be on the schedule. Also, most men don't want to compete (with an anthropomorphized pet) for a woman's attention and affection.

It's no surprise pets are a common source of breakups, (a study showed at least 80% of dog owners will not date someone who doesn't like their pets or someone their pets don't like). If a woman who owns a dog is hoping to find a partner who owns one, then she had to accept it significantly reduces her dating options, as single men who own dogs are about a third of single women who own dogs).

How can I tell my fiancee she needs to lose weight?

Tue, 16 Mar 2021 15:46:39 +0000

Gradually, and over the last 3 years, my girlfriend who is now my fiancee has put on about 20kg of weight,and is clearly obese. (The pandemic didn't help either). I love her dearly, but the reality of this is that I'm struggling to remain physically attracted to her. More importantly, I'm also worried about her health. Weight is a very fragile topic with women and my fiancee is generally a sensitive person. As I've been brooding over this for more than a year, What's the most caring and effective way to broach this difficult topic with her?